I guess "Man V slow and debilitating coronary heart disease and diabetes" just wasn't catchy enough.

A post about cooking (well, gorging) and vitriol! Look at me go! Just a note, all of my reviews will be pretty picture heavy.

I know the ridiculousness of this show has been touched upon and criticised before(Charlie Brooker's Screen Burn review being my favourite instance ) but I feel the need to purge my demons.

Firstly, let me say that I do not hate the show, it's one of a few guilty pleasures for me. I watch it for the same reason I watch things like Toddlers and Tiaras and Jeremy Kyle, for the catharsis only blindly shouting at your television can bring. Adam Richman is possibly one of the most unlike-able human beings in the history of the universe. He has given us such conversational gems as "This flying pie...may be a ring of fire" and "Nothing's worse than naked dough on national television." I think you may have to subject yourselves to a few youtube videos to really understand how much of an arse he is. There's just something about the way he says words that makes you angry.
Plus he has one of those faces that just make you want to punch him until you don't have any knuckles left. If you don't believe me just look at his smug, little simpering face.

If you don't want to punch him, you're a cyborg.
Plus...it's a fucking Travel Channel show?! So is this what we get instead of culture? Instead of watching an educational programme about different customs and languages we get to watch a retarded, bottom feeder of an individual experience the meat sweats and eat his way to delirium? Wow, we really are fucked as a species.
While I have my gripes with show for it's general feeling of "eat because you can", I still find it pretty amusing and shamefully, sometimes, I want to eat what Adam is eating, just not in such vast quantities.

There is no way that this much sandwich should be legal.
Yes, yes, it's Alice cooper, but FUCK look at the sandwich!

One of my absolute favourite things about this show is monitoring Adam's slow descent into obesity, as you can tell from the first picture, that was pretty near the beginning of this show and Adam looks pretty svelte and healthy. One of the first signs of dangerous weight gain is how different your face looks. Now, well, his fat rolls are multiplying faster than tribbles. I'm starting to wonder if this is some really elaborate suicide plot he's engaged in. He's decided he doesn't want to live any more, but is going to eat himself to death for our entertainment. The final season will have to be shot in the bedroom of his house as he can no longer lift his mass out of bed, or even navigate safely through door frames. I'm not saying this from a purely fatist standpoint, I'm almost sort of worried for the guy. I mean look, this is not the face of a healthy human being.

But then of course I remember that I hate people and one less fat idiot is a blessing. So eat up Adam!

Another brilliant game to play while watching this is "guess the level of arousal Adam is experiencing towards each new pile, trough or bucket of foodstuffs." This man has some serious sexual feelings towards batter. I think this is another reason you have to watch it, the noises this man makes over onion rings are just too sexual to cope with. So the next time it's on the television, even if you hate the show, watch it and play along. I think I'll just leave you with some fantastic examples.

This one is pretty low on the arousal scale, it looks more like child-like joy...for the moment. I still say that it's not normal to be this happy about fried food.

I have watched enough porn to know that he is thinking about putting his dick in there.

Full arousal has been reached. Note the crafty soft drink placement to hide an obvious erection. He can't believe what he's seeing and he can't look away. He's also slyly trying to slide his other hand toward his crotch region.

Seriously this man is a pervert.

In case you couldn't tell this was "Awesomely Terrible." All in all I give it 4/5 exploded hearts for sheer hilarity.